Who needs soap operas when you can be the drama?

I got a glimpse of myself today running errands. First, I went to The Book Bin in search for the next book I want to read during my daily workouts. After feeling that I wasn't going to find my next book at The Book Bin I proceeded to Borders. At Borders I searched aimlessly for a title that appealed to me. After about thirty minutes I came to the conclusion that I must have a sort of disorder. You know, one where no book sounds like it could hold your interest for two pages? That must be a disorder, in my mind. I then gave myself the ultimatum. Choose a book now. The pressure got to me in about two minutes of frantically trying to find anything quickly. Following my brief panic attack I went with the more logically approach of resorting to sections of books that I have finished in the past year. I hit up the business section, the psychology section, and all the display "Fall Must Reads." Nothing. My depression started to set in. "What is wrong with me?" Then my anxiety, "How can I ever make a career decision if I can't even find a book that sounds interesting?" Slippery slope. After fighting negative thoughts, I thought, "Why isn't their a book that is written that is describing exactly how I feel right now?" I mean, don't people go through mini-melodramas at the bookstore like I am right now? Don't people question their life uncertainties and insecurities in the fiction isle? Don't people ever feel lost or claustrophobic in their brain and nothing seems to mask the symptoms? I guess not. If there is a book written about that please let me know. In the meantime, back to the bookstore. I was getting to the point of leaving with the intention of going home, researching books and then returning at a later time. It wasn't what I wanted to do, I wanted to find a book, but it was one of two alternatives that came to mind. The other was to contact someone and ask him for advice on what book I should buy. In hindsight I knew I wasn't going to get a recommendation. I know I need to find the book on my own. So, I turned down all of his grateful opinions and suggestions. They didn't seem right for me. I know me. My mind and body were getting exhausted. I would like to add I have had a long day prior to this, so that me becoming tired is not so dumb sounding to you. As I was headed for the door a book made its way to my eyes. The title I didn't care about, but the description of, "From the author of" did. I remembered seeing this author before. I went to the section to find a book he had written before and opened the foreword. I did not find the book I was hoping on my trip to the bookstore. I can't say for sure, because I haven't read it yet. But, I did find a book that seems to be as analytical and overanalyzing as me. The book is called, "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs." I'll let you know if I ever finish it. But, the bookstore did become like a tell-all book for me. I am on a quest to always find the perfect fit, the perfect future, the perfect balance of uniqueness and practicality. When I can't find it I become scared, hopeless, and self-defeating. I am going through my life so bound and determined to be great that I have become so afraid to fail to find what exactly I want to be great at.

Cold War Kids

Last night I went to the Cold War Kids concert at the Wonder Ballroom. Here are some pics:

"I'm excited. I promise."

Another year of school is about to start. I can't really claim it is my senior year since I will have to take at least one more term after it, but I guess there is nothing wrong with the five year plan. Except for I think I did something wrong to be on the five year plan. Oh yeah, thats right, I transferred twice.

In June I was really excited to go to Oregon State. Now I tell people I am excited, because thats what people like to hear. Really I think I could care less what school I am at right now. I will be thankful that this school is less expensive than the last two though. My careless attitude needs to change and I am hoping it will once I get down to Corvallis. I really need to buckle down and study, but I tell myself that every year. I'm not saying I am a bad student or that I am not student material. But, I think my schedule is always filled with such BS classes that is hard for me to get motivated about Biology 101 or Energy and Environment Conservation when I am a fourth year business marketing major.

It will be nice to go to a school that views being social as a positive thing. For those of you who didn't get my reference, that was a knock on George Fox.

I am not a very in the moment person right now. I am much more of a forward, future, big picture thinker. Today instead of moving into my house, I worried about what I am going to do when I graduate. How I am going to get into a top-tier graduate school? Whether or not I need to go to grad school? How am I going to succeed? It helps that I have a lot of supportive people around me. But, they obviously don't feel my pressure. My brain goes a hundred miles an hour thinking/analyzing everything. I need to pause it for a while and try and focus on the day-to-day tasks.

One other predominant thing I have been thinking about lately is timing. Timing is so important in life. Job opportunities, friendships, among many other things all rely on perfect timing. Situations are so relative to where we are at in our lives. I definitely have a situationjavascript:void(0) in mind when bringing this topic up. But, I am not really ready to discuss it yet. The most I would speak on its behalf is to say that sometimes it really sucks moving farther away from people I value in life.

Which brings me to another topic. I think I need to make more of an effort this Fall to visit the Lucas'. I feel I am in need of their amazing mentoring.

This concludes my evening rant. :)

Seems a bit early...for Halloween

While having a discussion about Halloween costumes tonight, I decided maybe for the first time since I was ten I should have a good costume. I have been brainstorming and so far I have come up with an operation board (like the game), voodoo doll, or mail order bride. I think the ideas are clever enough for me to try and pull off.

Now I'm sad that thinking about Halloween means that it is Fall. :(

How is it fair...

For McCain to accuse Obama for being a celebrity when he made his running mate into one?  That's politics. 

Just about the funniest...

Thing I have ever seen on Youtube:

"Trading Spouses: I'm a God Warrior"

ENTJ

My Myer Briggs Personality Indicator Results:

Extrovert

Intuitive

Thinking

Judging

Other ENTJ are FDR, Nixon, Steve Jobs, Steve Martin, Jim Carey, and Sean Connery.

ENTJs are natural born leaders.  They live in a world of possibilities where they see all sorts of challenges to be surmounted, and they want to be the ones responsible for surmounting them.  They have a drive  for leadership, which is well-served by their quickness to grasp complexities, their ability to absorb a large amount of impersonal information, and their quick and decisive judgements.

ENTJs are very career- focused.  They generally see things from a long-range perspective.  They have no patience with inefficiency.  

ENTJs love to interact with people.  

I can't decide if...

watching Lifetime movies on a Saturday night is considered lame.  But, then I realized I'm tired and the couch seemed like the only desirable spot.  

The movie is a biography on Coco Chanel.  I have always been intriqued by the woman I share initials with.  But, after being halfway through the film I have

 come to the discovery her and I share more than two simple letters.  Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel was a French woman, who chased her career and intuition.  She believed,  "Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only.  Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening."  She wasn't afraid to go against societal fashion norms and her ideas will forever impact the way we dress.  

Her personal life was just as unconventional.  She refused a marriage proposal because she did not wish to be dependent on anyone.  I can relate to her feelings on the topic.  I doubt I would take it to that extreme, but I definitely have the personality that cannot be tied down.  Who wants to answer to others all the time?  Maybe maturity will set in for me one day in this department.  But, then again maybe it won't and it will be okay, but different.  It seems like society has a timeline for all of us.  A timeline with 

expectations that are pressuring and intimidating.  As a young woman I feel I am expected to go to school, graduate on time, get a job, marry a guy, have some kiddos, make a good living, and be grateful for this life and the things I accomplished.  It is so disgusting to me that I can't take my time, enjoy my life, and choose my own path without displeasing others.  I guess what I really need to do is not care about other people's opinions.  That would make me just a little more like the legendary Coco Chanel.  

"In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different." - Coco Chanel