The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Go see it.

Christine's Book Club

I just got done reading Tuesdays With Morrie tonight.  It is such a beautiful, simple book that came to me at just the right time.  I love how books somehow have the power to do that.  It is heart warming and heart breaking at the same time.  I hope it is able to find its way into everybody's hands- maybe when they need it the most.  It made me realize how valuable friends and mentors are in our lives.  It made me do some introspection and call myself out at being terrible at initiating and maintaining these important relationships.  It taught me that being open and emotion-full is the best and only way to be.  It reminds me of the things I know to be true but insist on fighting anyway- that money, power, and recognition mean nothing in our short stay on earth.  And that love, compassion, and relationships mean everything.  Now, I just need to apply these principles... always.  

I would put Tuesdays With Morrie at the top of my book favorite book list.  Others I would like to add are At Home in the Vineyard: Cultivating a Winery, an Industry, and a Life, The Velveteen Principles, and A Whole New Mind.  

At Home in the Vineyard: Cultivating a Winery, an Industry, and a Life by Susan Sokol Blosser

I initially was interested in reading this book once my boyfriend brought up the idea of him attending wine making school.  I wanted to find out more about an industry that I find so fascinating and so close to us that live in Oregon.  It is a book about entrepreneurship, passion, and life.  It is written by the winery owner herself and shares with us in a story-like setting what it is like to pioneer as a woman and as a business owner.  

The Velveteen Principles: A Guide to Becoming Real by Toni Raiten D'Antonio

This book was given to me as a gift by the wonderful Mr. and Mrs. Lucas.  I postponed reading this book for close to a year.  I was unsure why, but then I realized why when I picked it up and found it was just the message I needed at the time.  It is a book stemming from the principles of the children's classic The Velveteen Rabbit.  Precious book about how to be REAL in your life. 

A Whole New Mind: Why Right Brainers Will Rule the Future by Daniel Pink

I am unsure if I am a right brainer, although I would like to be.  Maybe I am only 60% right brained, who knows.  But, this book was a great, eye opening lesson for me to teach me how to value my abstract talents in such a concrete world.  It also talks about how that concrete world is shifting and that creativity is the way of the future.  We are out of the computer age and into the innovation age.  This book gave me a lot of inspiration and belonging when my life seemed so molded to the traditional view that wasn't fulfilling me.

I am definitely the type that likes a few different types of books as you may or may have not of noticed.  I always gravitate towards nonfiction (which I think is a fault most of the time) and also leach on to books that will improve me.  I don't use the title self-help, because I am not self-helping, the books are.  Please give me your recommendations as I am always looking for new books to read (remember this post).  I am becoming quite the little book worm, which I never saw coming, but I am throughly enjoying.  Stay tuned for more book reviews.  

My version of the CHRISTMAS LETTER

Hi Friends, Family, and People I don't know,


I have never allowed my mom to write up one of these. My reasons being who really cares about what is going on in our lives, we aren't young children anymore, and she is lacking in the writing department. I want to sound as cliche as I can in my inaugural Christmas Letter, so let me open with this. Wow, another year winding down. And what a year it was.

The year started as me being a junior at George Fox University in Newberg, Oregon. Never a fan of the school, I barely attended and instead filled my days with working at The Apple Store, Bridgeport Village and doing Bikram yoga (you know, the 107 degree, smelly, most amazing thing ever?!). I decided not to play golf, which was a tough and agonizing decision, but turned out for the best. I did turn 21. Woohoo. I am not a baby anymore. But, I do wish to stay at this age forever.

I was very fortunate to study abroad with a George Fox program to Italy. I travelled with, what was it again? 20 girls? I can't even remember. We left at the end of April and flew into Rome. Overall we visited 15 cities, plus other passerby cities- Rome, Pompeii, Sorrento, Positano, Capri, Orvieto, Assisi, Pisa, Cinque Terre, Bolzano, Florence, Venice, Moreno, Bureno, and Milan. My friend Ariel and I were treated like royalty (or treated like skanky girls, however you want to look at it) for our blonde hair. Which meant being cat called and grabbed at all times by the true to reputation, Italian men. We also got our share of train travel, expensive European prices, and gelato. Yes, it is true I got caught drinking in Italy. Now, I laugh and think of it as a Rite of Passage. I want 21, but my conservative college didn't care.  Seriously, great story and it was just the thing to send me over the edge to decide to leave George Fox. Oh and even better, yes, I did get kidney stones in Italy. I was struck with the most horrible nausea and pain one morning in Venice. After a few hours of visiting pharmacies and wrestling around with the idea of going to the hospital. My body finally brokedown in the lobby of a hotel, while I waited for the "water ambulance" to paddle and "wheel borrow" me to the island hospital. After finding out I didn't have appendicitis, the Italian only speaking doctors and staff released me and I rejoined the group in Milan. But, the freedom didn't last long. I made it too Milan long enough to stuff myself with pasta and then go home and regurgitate it all up as I spent the night thinking I was going to die. After two unsuccessful trips to the pharmacy, I gained control enough to walk to the hospital to find I had kidney stones. The Milanos took great care of me. I was termed, "The Americano." Sure, the whole situation sucked. I didn't eat for a few days thanks to the confusing dietician. I didn't get to shower for five days. The most technical machine they could offer was an ultra-sound, thanks to the European's negative views on radiation. But, finally I got a medical release to fly back to the states where I was readmitted to the hospital. Yay! The conclusion was I passed anywhere from 15-20 kidney stones in two weeks.

Upon return and recovery, I started working as the bar cart girl at Creekside Golf Club. Pretty cush summer job. Sun, booze, and friendly people. I also continued to work the summer away at Apple. Oh, and my baby brother graduated high school...awwwwwe.

I got to take a trip to Vegas this July. Loved it, but three days was enough.

I started dating a (I wish I could think of the perfect adjective to describe him, but I will settle) totally amazing guy named Chris. We met working together at Apple, but kinda funny that I didn't like him until the third time we hung out. I have so much fun with him, constantly smiling and laughing. I value his support, friendship, and incredible kindness so much. Along with his awesome music sense.  

During this time I made the decision to transfer from George Fox University to Oregon State University, keeping my major in Business Marketing. I moved down to Corvallis in late September, which concluded my 5 and a half month summer holiday. I live in a house with four other girls and it is going smoothly. Corvallis is a little bit of culture shock for me, being the low key, small, not close to any large metropolitan area that it is. But, I am dealing and it is nice to go to a large school and participate in things like football games, liberal classes, and sleeping until ten.

With all my free time in Corvallis, I have developed some new habits. I have become "clean." Besides the occasional laundry build-up, I have kept my room sanitized and organized. I have become quite the bookworm. I love the therapeutic and time-wasting capabilities of the Corvallis Public Library. I prefer nonfiction, but I do force myself to read a little fiction in there for the balancing affect. I also have become addicted to watching CW television. Laugh. Please laugh all you want, but there is something in my body, maybe a chemical imbalance, that craves Gossip Girl, Privileged, and One Tree Hill (in that order). Okay, once again, laugh. Please laugh.

Of course the term was not without its drama, as it never is with me. During my finals week I got kidney stones again and made a few visits to the hospital. Thats right, twice in six months. I passed about four kidney stones with the help of some very strong narcotics :) I took my finals all on Thursday and Friday, which was very frustrating. The grades I worked for dissolved pretty quickly, but circumstances are always present. I'll have to get my grades up to get into the "Pro School" now. But, I was more pissed that I missed selling my textbooks back!

Now, I am home. Enjoying time with the family as we are snow/iced in and isolated from the rest of the world up here on Summit Loop. I have acknowledged to myself once again that I hate when the snow comes to me. It is always and inconvenience. Hopefully, but doubtfully, it will pass soon. I still have to do some Christmas shopping!

Thanks for bearing with me as I express and get you up-to-date in my life. I will now conclude with a closing remark as cliche as my introduction. Here is too another great, eventful, hopefully graduation producing, loving, new year!

Happy Holidays!

Love,

Christine Marie Collier

Anxious

All day long I have had this huge knot in my stomach. Knot might not be the right word. It is the feeling of nausea and getting the wind knocked out of me. And I know what the emotion stems from. I just can't believe I can convinced myself to feel this way with no reason. I fool myself into believing that my boyfriend doesn't like me at all and all day long I rationalize and agonize over the thought. It gets to the point where I run the conversation over in my head about asking him about it. I dream up situations and analyze them. I know I say this a lot in my blog, but I am pathetic. I think entirely too much. Way too much. And I have too good of an imagination. Way too good. And I'm crazy. Way too crazy :) I also want to put a disclaimer that my boyfriend is awesome and I have no premise to think or feel this way. It is just a quirk of mine. Hopefully, admitting it will make it stop.

The Night Before Finals

And all through the house everyone is studying except Christine... didn't think mouse, blouse, or louse would properly fit, so I am done with that sentence. Finals week has arrived (14 minutes ago). I would say I studied the same amount as usual. Meaning maybe a few hours of reading, but nothing too heavy, because I lack interest. I'll pick the biology and women's studies books up the night before those tests, but in the meantime I will enjoy the vacant campus of Oregon State. Its amazing how the gym will be completely empty this week. Sweet deal.

Nothing new has really been going on. I've been doing a lot of reading, but not of any good books. I recommend to refrain from anything Donald Trump has written. His writing is at the skill level of a fifth grader and his books about getting rich or thinking like a billionaire are not even close to self-help or inspiration. They are more along the lines of gloating and stating the obvious. He has a whole two pages written about how he doesn't like to shake hands during a business deal because he is fearful of the spread of germs. Awesome Mr. Trump, thanks for giving me the great advice to make a buck- don't shake hands.

Does an hour and fifteen minutes away from a girlfriend or boyfriend constitute for a long distance relationship? Certainly seems that way lately. Circumstances make life miserable. Conflicting hours do as well.

I need to work more to stay busy. I also plan on starting to volunteer to take away all this free time I have during the weekdays. I was thinking SMART or having a little buddy I hang out with once or twice a week. I could be a good mentor. Even though, I am sure the kid would be doing just as valuable of things in my life. I was also thinking I could help out at the library. I have a new love for the Corvallis Library. First off, its a real hit with my budget and no longer buying books (one of my lifestyle changes to help me save and end wasteful spending). Second, it is a great way to spend the afternoon (unless you forget change to feed the meters and are paranoid of your car getting towed). Third, it is non-committal. I like the fact that if I don't like a book I check out than I just return it. I don't make myself finish it because I didn't pay for it.

I think my eyebrows are growing faster lately. Drives me crazy!

In other news. Hmm... I have no other news. In fact, this wasn't news that I shared to begin with. It was just a way for me to pass the night away until I feel like sleeping.

My purpose driven life?

My day consists of the same things everyday. I skip any class before noon (sometimes I skip all my classes) or I might go to a 10 a.m. class and then crawl back in bed for a few more hours after. Then I persist working out daily, because thats when I get the most learning in. I read 100 pages yesterday out of the book "How to Get Rich" by Donald Trump. Followed by talking to my amazing boyfriend on the phone every night. Occasionally, I will work for shifts about 4-6 hours. But, thats it. I feel there is no purpose to my life right now. Maybe there really isn't? I'm not fully convinced. I fill my down time with sleep and watching internet tv. Sounds pretty cush, huh? I don't think this is the life. No responsibility. No accountability. No potential. I'm a hypocrite. I would be furious allowing someone waste away like this. What am I waiting for? To get out of here?

The overwhelming feeling of standing still is my source of depression today. It seems like I will never get to the end. And when the end does become foreseeable in my undergraduate degree, I question if I even like my major.

So Thankful!

Seriously, could my smile get any bigger? This was my most favorite Thanksgiving holiday ever.

Dead Week?

Dead week might be an appropriate title for both my academic week and me personal week. I don't really understand the purpose of Dead week. A week to catch up on homework before the term is over? Hmm... nope, everything was due before Thanksgiving. A week to study for those big, bad finals? Hmm... nope, who is going to really study a week before their finals? So really, it is just a literally dead, boring week.

Thank you

Tonight I went to The Lucas' house for dinner. I go visit them knowing every time I leave I am a changed person. I love them. They are the best mentors a girl could ask for. They listen. They care. They are wonderful. Their advice or words are not always what I want to hear, but that is why I go back. Some of the truths in my life are hard to face and suppressed and they bring them out even when I feel I am not strong enough to deal with them or I don't have the desire too. At times I leave frustrated for I know I have work to do to get to the person I aspire to be. At times I leave motivated and refreshed. Tonight, I left with some self-actualization. What is important to me? Why do I always feel like I am in a battle with failure? My answers were complex and are not going to be easy to address. But, they opened my eyes to the solution I was overlooking. Christine, don't feel like God is taking away your talents and dreams. I use to think "God's Plan" for me was about the lamest thing imaginable. Why sit in the passenger's seat of your own life? I like control. I figured he would tell me something outlandish to do- Christine, forget your plans of dominating the business world and go be a clown in Thailand. But, the Lucas' brought it to my attention, He gave you these talents to succeed with, not to fail. Following Him and trusting His guidance does not mean you are foregoing your dreams. He will point you in the direction you are suppose to be. My constant agonizing over being unaccomplished or failing is not how God intended me to live. I shouldn't feel ashamed to achieve or afraid to try. His plan for me is there. I am the one that needs the changing.

What I Would Like For Myself Today:

- To get motivated to go to the gym
- To take a nap that lasts 15 hours long
- To find a job
- To have someone itch my head
- To be able to have a warm house
- To have my laundry cleaned
- To not be getting whiter and whiter by the minute for the lack of sun in Oregon

Maybe I have outgrown home?

I decided to come home to my parent's house tonight thinking it would be a nice break from Corvallis. But, as I am here I keep thinking how much this doesn't feel like home anymore. I have outgrown the need to come home.

Thanks to Chris I can laugh at myself whenever I want.

I have a candid camera on me at all times.

Happiness. Joy. Excitement.

It is a pretty exciting time in my life to be experiencing someone else's joy. It almost seems like my own. But, I am glad it isn't. I am glad it is theirs.

I like this article. A little Nostalgia Didn't Hurt Anyone.

CNN.com

This election will change the world
Posted: 1613 GMT

NEW YORK — Finding myself in New York City this U.S. election Day, I saw scenes that reminded me of the first democratic elections I covered in Afghanistan in 2004, or Iraq in 2005.
Voting lines in New York wrapped right around the block.
Voting lines in New York wrapped right around the block.

Scenes that reminded me of the historic election in South Africa in 1994 when a black man, Nelson Mandela, was elected president thus ending generations of white minority rule known as apartheid.

Or 1998 in Iran when women and young people turned out en masse to elect the first ever reform president, the moderate cleric Mohammad Khatami.

The enduring motif from those elections were the massively long lines at the polling centers. Men and women standing patiently, sometimes for hours, to cast their first ever vote for a hopeful secure future.

And that’s what I saw this morning in New York City as the polls opened. As I rode my son to school by bike, we passed a public school-turned voting center that made us gasp.

There were lines wrapped right around the whole block.

People were waiting happily, patiently, with their take-away coffee cups, snapping pictures of each other, recording what they clearly believed was their role in this historic democratic drama.

I asked some whether they had ever stood in line so long to vote here in the U.S. “Never” they said, smiling. TV and radio report similar long queues across the country.

Remember, the U.S. is never known for its high voter turnouts.

Everywhere you look the mood smacks of history…almost a foregone conclusion. Even New York City’s right-wing leading tabloids, are calling it for Obama.

These past few days, people riding in elevators, walking the corridors of their workplace, hopping in cabs or taking care of their kids, have all been discussing their plans for today, election day: Planning not just to cast their own vote, but to help shuttle the elderly, and cajole new young voters to the polls.

Meantime cable and broadcast TV networks can barely contain themselves: Newspaper articles quote news executives all but saying they will be able to call the election as soon as polls close early evening.

No election has electrified the U.S. like this since 1968. But the whole world wishes it could cast a vote in this one. Whatever happens, this U.S. election will change the world. Stay tuned.

*Sigh* of Relief

I feel so refreshed after shopping today!



My car came out of its two week stay at the shop and the first thing I did was hit the mall. Thats officially the longest I had ever been absence from consumerism. Don't judge :) I stocked up on some warm long-sleeve shirts, make-up, a new purple jacket, and lotion. Its amazing how a little use of the debit card can make my whole body happy. Good bye depressing mood caused by this crappy weather... Good bye stress... at least for another week.

*Reading this over made me think I sounded pathetic, but its the truth and I can humiliate myself on my own blog.

Lyrics

Lose your identity, wander in any direction
Yeah, that's the road to heaven's door
Dye your hair suicide blonde
Dye your hair suicide blonde

Another typical Sunday. Wake up at 11:30. Ponder to think of something ambitious to do. Settle for uploading the weekend's pictures. Stay in bed and search for new music. Eat lunch. Do homework. Still in bed. Watch TV online. Finish homework. Wish for something exciting in life. Eat dinner. Feel completely bored. Debate working out. Continue to debate working out. Actually go work out. Shower. Talk on the phone. Go to bed. Sunday's are becoming too routine.

Watch this. It's beautiful. I cried... Yeah, I cried.

It is so well done; touching and classy. I wish I could force every American to watch the whole thing. I want to be a leader like this.

Sick

There is nothing more awful to me than being sick.  All you can do is sit around and feel terrible.  I hate being sick! 

VH1 Celeb Reality

Celeb Rehab!

Oh thank you Dr. Drew for bringing more celebrities together to show how crazy the road to recovery is.  This season should be great now that Gary Busey is participating.  I can't wait until the day where I am so bored that all I will do is watch marathons of withdrawing coke heads yelling and screaming each other! 

The Pickup Artist 2

I am new to this program, but after watching the first two episodes it is pretty entertaining to watch socially awkward guys trying to talk to girls.  

I <3 The Weepies

I am so thankful I got introduced to The Weepies. I love their music. My favorite songs from their three albums are (in no specific order):

Take It From Me- Say I Am You
Gotta Have You- Say I Am You
Nobody Knows Me at All- Say I Am You

Somebody Loved- Happiness

Hideaway- Hideaway
Orbiting- Hideaway
Takes So Long- Hideaway

What's sad is I could probably write down all the songs from their three albums (minus one that comes to mind), because I love them so much.

Restless

Restless

: A state of emotional agitation

: With music

: With life

: Without you

Apathy

: Absence of emotion or enthusiasm

: With music

: With life

: Without you

Currently listening to: Nobody Knows me at All by The Weepies

I miss you

It really is my day of rest

I don't exactly have anything I want to talk about. But, it has been my typical Sunday. I finally got out of bed at 12:30 to go to the bathroom to then hop back into bed until 1:00. I did have some good music listening sessions thanks to Chris and the music he dumped into my iTunes. I watched some mindless television on my computer. Then I watched k9 cops attack criminals on Animal Planet with my roommates. Curled back in bed to write a paper later and then wandered off to the gym. Once I got home to some new cupcakes on the counter I demolished any progress I made at the gym with some halloween decorated yummy goodness. I caught up on my weekly dose of Post Secret and now I find myself bored and not willing to continue on my domestic drilling policy paper. So, I think I will continue to do nothing to complete my nothingness of a day. I love Sundays.

Currently Listening to: Empire State by Guster

For the Bible Tells Me So

Forthebibletellsmeso.org

I watched this movie in class today. Not only was it one of the most thought-provoking films I have seen, it really called me to question my thoughts on homosexuality and religion. Religion in America and homosexuality are both topics I like learning about. They are equally very controversial to our society.

In the hour and twenty minutes that this movie ran, I managed to scribble down a page of notes I thought to be interesting. Most of my thoughts are not fully investigated, but maybe I can piece them together enough to get you to watch the film.

- Prejudice was born in the church. The church is an institution where people of power (white males) have used the Bible as a source of oppression to "other" groups. Other groups in the past have been African-Americans and women. Now the "other" group is homosexuals.

- Hatred of homosexuals could also stem from the long belief that women are inferior to males. Typically it is generalized that men are more feminine if they are gay and their masculinity is lost. Feminine men are thought of as a bad thing in our culture. Lately this has not been looked upon as so bad, but in the past gay men were stereotyped as acting transsexual.

- The Bible has been taken too literally on its stance on homosexuality. Right-winged Christians claim the Bible addressed the issue of homosexuality 6-7 times. Now, I am not a Bible expert, but from what I have read of these 6-7 passages doesn't blatantly discuss homosexuality at all. Sodom and Gamorrah has so many ambiquities and translations that it would be jumping to conclusions to think it was about punishing homosexuality.

- In the Bible there is a theme of take what you have and give it to the poor. Obviously, people don't take this passage too literally, so why do they exploit the more ambiguous ones to subordinate gays/lesbians/bisexuals/transgendered?


- Bible literalists are typically capitalists who use there conservative believes to make money off the Bible (politicians).

- Humans are not the only species who have homosexuals. Lions, sheep, zebras, among thousands of other animals have same sex relationships.


- The oppression of homosexuals has caused suicide rates to be three to seven times higher than that of heterosexual individuals. This rate continues to climb. Every five hours one homosexual successfully commits suicide.

- Bible literalists claim being a homosexual results in "abomination." Eating shrimp, having two seeds in one hole, working on sabbath, wearing linen and wool simultaineously also causes "abomination." Would people be criticized, terrorized, and feared for doing any of these other acts?

- When people say "This is what the Bible says," respond back, "No, that is what the Bible reads." There is a big difference.

I might develop this idea later. In the meantime, be bewildered with me.

I am going to stop believing in cliches. I am finding most of them are coming true and I am not one who likes to have predetermined advice. But then like most cliches, that cliche is untrue.

The worst part about Oregon winters

I despise the rain. I can't bear the cold. I don't like feeling numb. I can't stand when my hands turn purple. I get annoyed when I have goosebumps. But, the thing I hate the most about Oregon winters is when my jeans are wet at the bottom.

Lack of _____

Today has quickly passed me by. I woke up at 6:50 to go get tickets to the next Oregon State football game, but upon return crawled back in bed until noon. Nothing possessed me to get out of bed. I just wanted to lay there, not think, and let any negative thoughts be suppressed by me dosing in and out. So, I did. I got the ambition to go to my 2 p.m. class, but that has been the only ambition I have felt today. I keep thinking, when am I going to snap out of it? Am I ever? Restless, hopeless, lonely, anxious, scared... adjectives to describe me for the day. But, I figure they don't just describe me today. They come and go as they please. They are usually proceeded by a great weekend. I had a great weekend.

The "Bailout Plan" that will pass Congress!

I read this from another blog. I thought it was really entertaining and should be shared this the minimal people I impact:

Hi Pals,

I'm against the $85,000,000, 000.00 bailout of AIG.
Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000, 000 to America in a 'We Deserve It' Dividend.
To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.
Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up…
So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion that equals $425,000.00.
My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free.
So let's assume a tax rate of 30%.
Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.
That sends $25,500,000, 000 right back to Uncle Sam.
But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.
A husband and wife has $595,000.00.


What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads.
Put away money for college - it'll be there.
Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car or other product - create jobs.
Invest in the market - capital drives growth.
Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves.
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else.

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ('vote buy') economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.
If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG - liquidate it.
Sell off its parts.
Let American General go back to being American General.
Sell off the real estate.
Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't.
Sure it's a crazy idea that can 'never work.'
But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!?
How do you spell Economic Boom?
I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion 'We Deserve It Dividend' more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC.


And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.
Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

Who needs soap operas when you can be the drama?

I got a glimpse of myself today running errands. First, I went to The Book Bin in search for the next book I want to read during my daily workouts. After feeling that I wasn't going to find my next book at The Book Bin I proceeded to Borders. At Borders I searched aimlessly for a title that appealed to me. After about thirty minutes I came to the conclusion that I must have a sort of disorder. You know, one where no book sounds like it could hold your interest for two pages? That must be a disorder, in my mind. I then gave myself the ultimatum. Choose a book now. The pressure got to me in about two minutes of frantically trying to find anything quickly. Following my brief panic attack I went with the more logically approach of resorting to sections of books that I have finished in the past year. I hit up the business section, the psychology section, and all the display "Fall Must Reads." Nothing. My depression started to set in. "What is wrong with me?" Then my anxiety, "How can I ever make a career decision if I can't even find a book that sounds interesting?" Slippery slope. After fighting negative thoughts, I thought, "Why isn't their a book that is written that is describing exactly how I feel right now?" I mean, don't people go through mini-melodramas at the bookstore like I am right now? Don't people question their life uncertainties and insecurities in the fiction isle? Don't people ever feel lost or claustrophobic in their brain and nothing seems to mask the symptoms? I guess not. If there is a book written about that please let me know. In the meantime, back to the bookstore. I was getting to the point of leaving with the intention of going home, researching books and then returning at a later time. It wasn't what I wanted to do, I wanted to find a book, but it was one of two alternatives that came to mind. The other was to contact someone and ask him for advice on what book I should buy. In hindsight I knew I wasn't going to get a recommendation. I know I need to find the book on my own. So, I turned down all of his grateful opinions and suggestions. They didn't seem right for me. I know me. My mind and body were getting exhausted. I would like to add I have had a long day prior to this, so that me becoming tired is not so dumb sounding to you. As I was headed for the door a book made its way to my eyes. The title I didn't care about, but the description of, "From the author of" did. I remembered seeing this author before. I went to the section to find a book he had written before and opened the foreword. I did not find the book I was hoping on my trip to the bookstore. I can't say for sure, because I haven't read it yet. But, I did find a book that seems to be as analytical and overanalyzing as me. The book is called, "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs." I'll let you know if I ever finish it. But, the bookstore did become like a tell-all book for me. I am on a quest to always find the perfect fit, the perfect future, the perfect balance of uniqueness and practicality. When I can't find it I become scared, hopeless, and self-defeating. I am going through my life so bound and determined to be great that I have become so afraid to fail to find what exactly I want to be great at.

Cold War Kids

Last night I went to the Cold War Kids concert at the Wonder Ballroom. Here are some pics:

"I'm excited. I promise."

Another year of school is about to start. I can't really claim it is my senior year since I will have to take at least one more term after it, but I guess there is nothing wrong with the five year plan. Except for I think I did something wrong to be on the five year plan. Oh yeah, thats right, I transferred twice.

In June I was really excited to go to Oregon State. Now I tell people I am excited, because thats what people like to hear. Really I think I could care less what school I am at right now. I will be thankful that this school is less expensive than the last two though. My careless attitude needs to change and I am hoping it will once I get down to Corvallis. I really need to buckle down and study, but I tell myself that every year. I'm not saying I am a bad student or that I am not student material. But, I think my schedule is always filled with such BS classes that is hard for me to get motivated about Biology 101 or Energy and Environment Conservation when I am a fourth year business marketing major.

It will be nice to go to a school that views being social as a positive thing. For those of you who didn't get my reference, that was a knock on George Fox.

I am not a very in the moment person right now. I am much more of a forward, future, big picture thinker. Today instead of moving into my house, I worried about what I am going to do when I graduate. How I am going to get into a top-tier graduate school? Whether or not I need to go to grad school? How am I going to succeed? It helps that I have a lot of supportive people around me. But, they obviously don't feel my pressure. My brain goes a hundred miles an hour thinking/analyzing everything. I need to pause it for a while and try and focus on the day-to-day tasks.

One other predominant thing I have been thinking about lately is timing. Timing is so important in life. Job opportunities, friendships, among many other things all rely on perfect timing. Situations are so relative to where we are at in our lives. I definitely have a situationjavascript:void(0) in mind when bringing this topic up. But, I am not really ready to discuss it yet. The most I would speak on its behalf is to say that sometimes it really sucks moving farther away from people I value in life.

Which brings me to another topic. I think I need to make more of an effort this Fall to visit the Lucas'. I feel I am in need of their amazing mentoring.

This concludes my evening rant. :)

Seems a bit early...for Halloween

While having a discussion about Halloween costumes tonight, I decided maybe for the first time since I was ten I should have a good costume. I have been brainstorming and so far I have come up with an operation board (like the game), voodoo doll, or mail order bride. I think the ideas are clever enough for me to try and pull off.

Now I'm sad that thinking about Halloween means that it is Fall. :(

How is it fair...

For McCain to accuse Obama for being a celebrity when he made his running mate into one?  That's politics. 

Just about the funniest...

Thing I have ever seen on Youtube:

"Trading Spouses: I'm a God Warrior"

ENTJ

My Myer Briggs Personality Indicator Results:

Extrovert

Intuitive

Thinking

Judging

Other ENTJ are FDR, Nixon, Steve Jobs, Steve Martin, Jim Carey, and Sean Connery.

ENTJs are natural born leaders.  They live in a world of possibilities where they see all sorts of challenges to be surmounted, and they want to be the ones responsible for surmounting them.  They have a drive  for leadership, which is well-served by their quickness to grasp complexities, their ability to absorb a large amount of impersonal information, and their quick and decisive judgements.

ENTJs are very career- focused.  They generally see things from a long-range perspective.  They have no patience with inefficiency.  

ENTJs love to interact with people.  

I can't decide if...

watching Lifetime movies on a Saturday night is considered lame.  But, then I realized I'm tired and the couch seemed like the only desirable spot.  

The movie is a biography on Coco Chanel.  I have always been intriqued by the woman I share initials with.  But, after being halfway through the film I have

 come to the discovery her and I share more than two simple letters.  Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel was a French woman, who chased her career and intuition.  She believed,  "Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only.  Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening."  She wasn't afraid to go against societal fashion norms and her ideas will forever impact the way we dress.  

Her personal life was just as unconventional.  She refused a marriage proposal because she did not wish to be dependent on anyone.  I can relate to her feelings on the topic.  I doubt I would take it to that extreme, but I definitely have the personality that cannot be tied down.  Who wants to answer to others all the time?  Maybe maturity will set in for me one day in this department.  But, then again maybe it won't and it will be okay, but different.  It seems like society has a timeline for all of us.  A timeline with 

expectations that are pressuring and intimidating.  As a young woman I feel I am expected to go to school, graduate on time, get a job, marry a guy, have some kiddos, make a good living, and be grateful for this life and the things I accomplished.  It is so disgusting to me that I can't take my time, enjoy my life, and choose my own path without displeasing others.  I guess what I really need to do is not care about other people's opinions.  That would make me just a little more like the legendary Coco Chanel.  

"In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different." - Coco Chanel