His Bottle Return Could Pay My Rent

I have a class with a boy that is addicted to caffeine.  Now, that might seem like a pretty common addiction, but his is to the point of a disease I like to call Caffeinism.  During class on a given day he will walk in with a mocha and two bottles of soda- Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper.  He will fully consume all three drinks in a 1 hour and 50 minute class session.  I once congratulated him on the feat of never having to leave class to use the bathroom.  He convulsively shook his head.  Last class we took our Midterm exam.  He walked in the classroom and proceeded to pull out 8, thats right, 8 caffeinated beverages!  Not to mention the sugar intake!  I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT!  The kid did comment that "moderate consumption of caffeine is good for your heart like red wine is."  Hmmm... I don't see his logic, because that is not moderation!  The instructor couldn't contain his amusement and obviously either could I.  I laughed for a good five minutes until my stomach ached.  I had to take pictures.  Camera phones must have been invented for the purpose of capturing this moment:

The test took 45 minutes.  He shook and twitched like a mad man.  I don't even know how he could fill in the scantron bubbles with the state he was in.  He drank 4.5 of those drinks.  Yes, I had to sit there and watch.  I hardly even focused to the test.  This was a much more pertinent matter!  He then systematically put the remainders in his bag and fluttered out.  Wow, Impressive.  Great cheap comedy!